Happy Father's Day!

Black Single Dad Raising Son

Shantel Roundtree and son Izaiah

The U.S. has the world’s highest rate of children living in single-parent households, according to Pew Research.

Almost a quarter of U.S. children under the age of 18 live with one parent and no other adults (23%), more than three times the share of children around the world who do so (7%).

Sergeant First Class Shantel Roundtree, 50, talks about raising a child today as a single parent.

“It’s Friday night and I’m home doing absolutely nothing. Single parenting really changes your lifestyle,” Roundtree laughingly admits.

He is raising his 17-year-old son, Izaiah. Roundtree was also raised in a single-parent household once his parents divorced before he was 10-years-old. After the divorce, he and his mom relocated from Gainesville, Florida to the small family-owned farm in Archer.

Roundtree said he always knew his father loved him even though they lived apart, and he wanted to make sure Izaiah had the same experience knowing he was loved, regardless of which parent lived in the house with him.

“My dad always told me he loved me, whenever we were together,” said Roundtree. “He would say, ‘son I love you.’ Before Izaiah came to live with me, I did the same. Now, it’s still important for me to tell him often how much I love him.”

While the idea of Roundtree being the primary custodial parent for his son had been discussed with Izaiah’s mother, the timing was unexpectedly moved up.

“His mom and I always talked about Izaiah someday living with me, but it happened sooner than we initially planned,” Roundtree explained. “One summer while visiting he just came out and asked me if he could live with me. I asked if he had talked this over with his mom and he said no, so we had to all have a conversation first.”

Talks about the lifestyle change went smoothly, and Izaiah promptly moved from residing with his mom and two siblings in Atlanta, Georgia, to his dad’s three-bedroom townhouse in Lynchburg, Virginia. By now, school had been in session for a week, putting Izaiah behind in class assignments.

“He started 9th grade a week late the first year he lived with me. I was concerned he would struggle, but within a few days he was tutoring some of his classmates. Turned out his school in Georgia was ahead of Virginia.”

Roundtree said it wasn’t until two years later Izaiah shared why he abruptly asked to live with him. “He told me he wanted to watch and learn from me how to do things.”

And, just how are things working out for the dad and son duo?

“My relationship with my dad is amazing,” Izaiah said. “Although he works a lot, he still has time for me. He’s a hard worker who never stops working. Everything that I succeed in is for him and all his hard work pays off to help me.”

Roundtree said Izaiah is mature beyond his years and his level-headedness has helped with their relationship. He said Izaiah’s common sense has eased the burden of worrying about his choices; however, the two of them still discussed expectations.

“He’s still young, and I explained to him and he understands there are consequences for making poor decisions,” Roundtree said.

Because of his active Army status, Roundtree said the fear of leaving his son behind for a deployment is always in the back of his mind. Prior to Virginia, his military career included assignments in Germany, Saudi Arabia, Texas, Pennsylvania and Missouri.

“In the military, we have to prepare for backup in case our orders relocate us for a short or longer time period. I have a support network in place for someone I trust to take care of Izaiah while I’m away.”

Roundtree said he is fortunate to have Izaiah’s mother in Atlanta, and grandmother, in Archer, constitute his family support network, in case military orders require a deployment outside the Lynchburg area.

As a soldier, Roundtree said he also has a support network comprised of military moms and dads who share stories and help him through complex family situations.

“Izaiah was born while I was serving in Kuwait. We didn’t have the Internet so I couldn’t see him until weeks later when a picture arrived through mail. The other soldier’s who were in the same or similar situations were around for support to help me stay focused on our assignment and not over process being away unable to hold my new son. I would put it in the back of my mind for safety reasons and stay on track of the mission.”

Izaiah was a year old before Roundtree returned to the U. S. and for the first time was able to cuddle his little boy in his arms.

“He was living in Atlanta with his mom. Being away during his birth was very hard and I couldn’t have made it without my network of soldiers.”

While in Atlanta, son and dad were in constant contact, interacting almost daily. He said Izaiah was always a good student, earning honor roll each grading period during elementary and middle school years. The move to another state and school system was a major concern for everyone involved.

“I relocated to an area that had better schools so that his quality of education would not be interrupted too much,” Roundtree said. “With the Army, once your child reaches sophomore status, the High School Senior Stabilization Program kicks in and you can remain stable until graduation.”

Roundtree said he loves his job and gave little thought to what he wanted his legacy to be other than with his soldier’s.

“Now I have to think about what type of legacy I want to leave for my son,” Roundtree expressed. “The one thing I tell him is to be Izaiah, not Shantel, doing whatever makes him happy.

When he first moved to Virginia, I noticed him watching me and copying my behavior. In high school, I played basketball, football and baseball, and Izaiah was paying attention to the same sports, even though I don’t think he really wanted to play them. I finally told him to be himself and assured him he didn’t have to do the same things that I did.”

From that moment, Izaiah took an interest in other sports, including joining the cheerleading team for two years, and participating in track and field for three years.

“He asked me if he could be a cheerleader and a told him, go for it if that makes you happy.”

According to research, the first cheerleader was a male fan, Johnny Campbell, who began cheering encouragement to his team from the sideline in 1898. While females dominate the sport in middle and high schools, males make up roughly 50 percent of collegiate team members.

Izaiah is advancing to the senior class of 2020/2021 at Brooksville High School in Lynchburg, earning a 4.0 overall grade point average.

“During my junior year, I was accepted into the two-year Science, Technology, Engineering, & Math (STEM) Academy program at Central Virginia Community College. Within the program, I am part of cyber security where next school year I will be taking legal hacking classes. And even with all the school- work, I participated in two track seasons,” Izaiah said.

Roundtree said he wants to be a mentor for his son, showing him how to live and enjoy life. He explained he wants Izaiah to be well rounded, and not just about sports. In his job as a Platoon Sergeant, this 30-year active military dad is tasked with providing guidance to soldiers in the U. S. Army. Some of the same skills applied to managing soldiers are instrumental in motivating and counseling his son.

“So many times guys will ask children in the neighborhood about sports – hey man how you doing in basketball – or whatever. But, what about their grades and whether they’re planning to go to college? I want to be a part of that culture to help change what we talk about with our boys and better prepare them for successful careers. Sports talk is fine, but we can’t forget to add the piece about education.”

When Roundtree attends school conferences and meetings, he said the staff appears to be perplexed over his participation.

“The teachers act surprised to see me. Izaiah makes good grades so it’s like they can’t believe I show up in the absence of a problem. Unfortunately, there are usually no other Black dads around and I think that’s what the administration expects. As Black dads, we need to show-up for more than sports.”

It’s been three years since dad and son started their journey of living together in Lynchburg full-time. Izaiah has converted the basement to accommodate his lifestyle and study habits, and spends most of his time there, while preserving rights to the upstairs bedroom and kitchen, as necessary.

“He likes to eat so he comes up once he smells the food cooking,” said Roundtree. “Izaiah has actually learned to prepare a few things on his own, but I primarily cook our meals because of his busy school and track schedules.

We eat out, but I try not to do so much fast food, especially because he runs track and needs to eat healthier. And when we get food from restaurants, I prefer take out opposed to dining in; we both like eating at home.”

While both have busy schedules, they find time to share some interests, including weight lifting, watching movies, spending holidays with family, and hosting cookouts for friends.

“We have watched every episode of Family Guy,” Roundtree laughed.

As part of the family fun, Roundtree spends many of his weekends around the grill, making delicious meats and savory sides for Izaiah and his friends. Their home has become a familiar hangout where good eating is mixed with just the right amount of pragmatic parental supervision that son and friends comprehend and respect.

One friend, Makayla Spruce, said, “When I first met him (Roundtree), he was scary. But after a while, I learned that he is just the sweetest man that I ever met, and look at him like my second dad.”

Izaiah and Shantel preparing for a special family event.

Izaiah enjoys the family gatherings and inviting friends over to show off his cooking skills along with whatever dad has mastered on the grill.

“All my friends love dad. Whenever I bring someone new into the house and introduce them to him he scares them first but then make them laugh. All my friends enjoy his company and think he is really chill to be around because he has the ability to openly talk to anyone and help with their problems that they have.”

Household weekend chores are shared, each cleaning their own main areas and laundry. Izaiah has the luxury of cleaning the basement and his bedroom and bath, while dad prefers to polish the kitchen to his meticulous standards. Here again military style promptness and precision are incorporated in the lifestyle rituals for this family of two.

Dad and son also share a car, at least for now.

“Wow, since Izaiah got his driver’s license, I can’t get the car,” said Roundtree. “Sometimes I’m home at night not because I want to be but Izaiah has the car and I don’t have transportation. He’ll call me at work around 3 o’clock with his plans to use the car. If he leaves at 5:30 I might not see him again until late. I’m like, dude, did you think maybe I wanted to go somewhere, too.

Although he’s mature for his age, I still keep an eye on him. I know he’s going to make mistakes and I want to get him through them with the least amount of harm. Single parenting takes so much more time than I ever imagined, but we’ll make it.”

Research shows Black fathers are the most likely to be heads of single father households—29% are. This share drops to 20% among Hispanic fathers and just 14% among white fathers.

“Izaiah is more independent, doing his own thing and not trying to be so much like me. But I know he’s watching everything I do. For instance, I eat popcorn out of a bowl instead of the bag; he eats popcorn out of a bowl and not the bag. Those little things matter and you see what they’re picking up later on.”

At the end of the day, Roundtree explained how he enjoys having his son and friends around. The single father reiterates it was his choice to change his lifestyle in order to raise Izaiah. The long hours at work, on top of more hours at school functions or track and field, constructively make up dads weekly routine. His spiritual sense of family obligation confirms his dedication and responsibility to his son.

“When you’re on the outside looking in and see two parents in the household, you don’t realize the amount of work and time it takes to do the same as a single parent; it takes a lot of energy,” Roundtree explained. “That’s what I do now.”

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